I don't deserve this. Honestly, I don't. The rest of my life was supposed to be filled with despair and sorrow. It's what I thought I deserved. But that's not the way my life has been for the last two months. Lemme rewind....
The beginning of February was as it's always been. The asshole going to Beverly Hills and yet again choosing that whore over me. I had had enough, and I knew that it was over for me. The love wasn't there anymore, my heart now cold and filled with anger and resentment. That definitely wasn't a good combination for anyone to have.
As I sat there one day a week before, Nate popped into my head. He was one of those men that when you see him from across the room you get a lump in your throat and your heart falls in your stomach. I was smitten. I had met him about six years before and I couldn't forget him. We developed a bond that was like no other. He ended up getting in some trouble around that time and ended up being sentenced to five years in prison. I really thought when he got locked up that that would be the end of that. But to my surprise it wasn't. The whole time he did his bid we spoke, i even put money on his phone and his books. Actually, after a mutual friend died, I was the only one that held him down.
When he got out, we spoke off and on, he ended up getting engaged and I carried on with the madness that is my life. Somehow, in the midst of all of that we began talking again. But we spoke about me moving to Georgia where he now lived. We had honestly developed a romantic bond years before but quickly pushed it aside when he went to prison. But now that he was out there was only one thing really holding us back...the asshole.
There was a part of me that really did still love him, I part of me I didn't want to let go of. I'd been with him for ten years and I was used to him being in my life. I just wasn't ready to let go. not until his last run to her.
He had left and there I sat alone. I had spoken to Nate and I had made plans to go up to Georgia and get him so he could help me move my mom back to Florida from PA. But the day I was due to go, it got cancelled after the asshole found out and ran home to stop me. Just like that all my plans were ruined and there I left Nate clueless to what was going on. He called and called me, but I didn't know what to say, how to tell him. I felt like shit, plain and simple.
That night that my plans were spoiled when there went the asshole back to Beverly Hills. For nothing. Him doing all that was all for nothing. Just to keep me home and keep me miserable. Unfuckingbelieveable.
A week later though after dozens of calls and messages I finally got up enough nerve to actually answer one of his messages. I couldn't tell him at first what had happened, how would it look? So, I came up with some excuse and decided that enough was enough. I was going. His cousin whom I'd never met agreed to go along for the ride. And boy am I glad that he did. I would have surely never made it there. The ride was long, and it was quiet. We had to switch rental cars once and it felt like it took us forever to get there. But low and behold, finally there we were.
Nate was fiddling with his beloved truck, making sure that everything was locked up. When he saw us, a smile came across his face. He hugged his cousin when we got out of the car and held me in his arms squeezing me tight. I can honestly say at that moment in his arms I felt like I was home. I'll never forget it.
The ride back was peaceful, and I found myself not being able to take my eyes off him. He looked so different than the last time that I saw him but my God, how handsome he was. We laughed and sang to the same music. It was different, in a very good way.
His three-day visit is now going on two months and its funny because I didn't realize how fast I fell in love with him. He has his issues, like we all do, but my God this man saved me. I didn't think it was possible for me to be happy ever again. But surprise, it sure is. He's a gift from heaven, I'm certainly convinced., and I fall more in love with him every day. I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds for us, the sky is the limit. Thank you, Nathan Paul, for saving me from the darkness. Thank you for loving me in a way I thought was only in fairytales. Thank you for making all my dreams come true. I love you.