(Originally Written 11/12/18)
So I was able to confirm my hypothesis about the society we live in and how we have an image to maintain and that's stressed upon so much just to fit in. But there are some things that we totally avoid bringing up. Cuz if u thought a person with some psych issues and a few extra pounds was bad, at times it pales in comparison...All right so let me rewind. So I told you that the near-death experience happened in March and up until Bryant came back in May I had quiet stress free two months.
Well I couldn't help it I missed him so much that in May he was back down here with me. We really had no plan and had nowhere really to live because the only thing that we were worried about was being together. Bryant had a friend that I also knew and he called him one day and asked if we could stay there. He agreed for a couple days and I went into sheer panic mode. Aprel with her social anxiety is going to a place that she wasn't familiar with. He had a woman and it's her house! I'm going to another female's house to impose on her and I don't even know who she is and she doesn't know me either. I would be livid if Bryant let somebody come and stay at my house especially another female that I didn't know and I didn't trust. Talk about awkward. I've always had a lot of problems trusting people and there is one motto that I live by and that is never trust a bitch. I will trust five hundred men over one female because females can be sneaky and they can be grimy and vindictive and in my mind, every other woman felt the same way. I mean why wouldn't they? I've always gotten along better with males as friends than females. That's just how it is. I tried to respect the fact that it was her house. Mentally my mind was definitely not where it should be as far as not having a stable environment and I knew that she was uncomfortable with the situation which made me a little more uncomfortable. And not to mention because of all of this what is the best way for a psych patient to help themselves feel better when they're not on the medication they self-medicate. So I was having a couple drinks a couple times a day. Okay honestly? I had turned into a lush. I knew that she didn't like it and I was doing it anyway so that was kind of strike one against me. It just wasn't the right moment in time which is okay. We did try to hang out together the first night, but I wasn't feeling so good. My head was just spacey. I knew it wasn't from the alcohol because I know how I feel when I drink and I had really hadn't drink that much, less than my usual...
So I was able to confirm my hypothesis about the society we live in and how we have an image to maintain and that's stressed upon so much just to fit in. But there are some things that we totally avoid bringing up. Cuz if u thought a person with some psych issues and a few extra pounds was bad, at times it pales in comparison...All right so let me rewind. So I told you that the near-death experience happened in March and up until Bryant came back in May I had quiet stress free two months.
Well I couldn't help it I missed him so much that in May he was back down here with me. We really had no plan and had nowhere really to live because the only thing that we were worried about was being together. Bryant had a friend that I also knew and he called him one day and asked if we could stay there. He agreed for a couple days and I went into sheer panic mode. Aprel with her social anxiety is going to a place that she wasn't familiar with. He had a woman and it's her house! I'm going to another female's house to impose on her and I don't even know who she is and she doesn't know me either. I would be livid if Bryant let somebody come and stay at my house especially another female that I didn't know and I didn't trust. Talk about awkward. I've always had a lot of problems trusting people and there is one motto that I live by and that is never trust a bitch. I will trust five hundred men over one female because females can be sneaky and they can be grimy and vindictive and in my mind, every other woman felt the same way. I mean why wouldn't they? I've always gotten along better with males as friends than females. That's just how it is. I tried to respect the fact that it was her house. Mentally my mind was definitely not where it should be as far as not having a stable environment and I knew that she was uncomfortable with the situation which made me a little more uncomfortable. And not to mention because of all of this what is the best way for a psych patient to help themselves feel better when they're not on the medication they self-medicate. So I was having a couple drinks a couple times a day. Okay honestly? I had turned into a lush. I knew that she didn't like it and I was doing it anyway so that was kind of strike one against me. It just wasn't the right moment in time which is okay. We did try to hang out together the first night, but I wasn't feeling so good. My head was just spacey. I knew it wasn't from the alcohol because I know how I feel when I drink and I had really hadn't drink that much, less than my usual...