In my 36 years, there's been a question that I haven't been able to find an answer to. What is a relationship? Like a true ride or die, kick you in the gut kinda relationship. How do you know what love truly is? I haven't seen true love since my grandma kissed my pappy goodbye as he took his last breath 14 years ago. They were blessed with 46 years together. They had hard times but back then people fought for love. You hardly ever heard of divorce. They stuck shit out and it made their love that much stronger. I haven't seen that kind of ride or die love since around the same time cell phones, dating apps and social media really took off. And if you are in a relationship how do you really know if it's love vs lust or addiction?
At that moment a person could feel that they'll never love another as much as the one their with..but fast forward a few years and that feeling is gone. People feel one thing one minute and are having affairs or getting divorces the next. I'm just as guilty. I thought I really loved my ex-husband. I never wanted to be without him. And at that time I couldn't imagine having kids to anyone else. Even up until the end. But I know now that I didn't really love him like I thought I did. I loved him don't get me wrong but I never was in love with him. I know that now. I was an awful wife. But I wasn't the only guilty one. He had his share of screw-ups too. It takes two. I learned a lot from my marriage of ten years. But I have grown too. And they say that with every failure you learn a little bit too. That's so very true.
Since him, I've felt love differently though. You see with my husband we could go out and I would notice everyone around me. I'd actually see other men and think wow he's handsome. The different love I've felt after him caused that to not even be a thought in my world. When I met Bryant I forgot about the whole world around me. When I saw other men I thought of them as people nothing more. Felt no attraction what so ever. My whole world revolved around my man. Like he was the only man in the world. And I wanted to do things for him. Do things to make him happy. I WANTED TO. I cooked, I cleaned, I waited on him hand and foot. I had never wanted to do anything for my ex-husband. Matter of fact I didn't. He cleaned, he mostly cooked, he mostly did laundry and managed to work forty-eight hours a week. And I still wasn't happy. But now I had met someone who I wanted to do all this for..this had to be love. I didn't even care if he worked. Forgave him over and over when I would catch him talking to other women on dating sites. Forgave him over and over for lying. Is that what love is? Forgiving someone for constantly hurting you..because you see the good in them? And know that they have their own issues that make them not think about how their actions will affect others? Is it love? Obsession? Infatuation? Stupidity? Because you see with that other man I could be myself. Not be embarrassed about my wants and my needs. I'd never felt that before. Never feel as if I'm being judged. That made me overlook everything else. Helped me find my inner strength and be able to stand on my own..things I'll always be grateful for. But is it love?
At that moment a person could feel that they'll never love another as much as the one their with..but fast forward a few years and that feeling is gone. People feel one thing one minute and are having affairs or getting divorces the next. I'm just as guilty. I thought I really loved my ex-husband. I never wanted to be without him. And at that time I couldn't imagine having kids to anyone else. Even up until the end. But I know now that I didn't really love him like I thought I did. I loved him don't get me wrong but I never was in love with him. I know that now. I was an awful wife. But I wasn't the only guilty one. He had his share of screw-ups too. It takes two. I learned a lot from my marriage of ten years. But I have grown too. And they say that with every failure you learn a little bit too. That's so very true.
Since him, I've felt love differently though. You see with my husband we could go out and I would notice everyone around me. I'd actually see other men and think wow he's handsome. The different love I've felt after him caused that to not even be a thought in my world. When I met Bryant I forgot about the whole world around me. When I saw other men I thought of them as people nothing more. Felt no attraction what so ever. My whole world revolved around my man. Like he was the only man in the world. And I wanted to do things for him. Do things to make him happy. I WANTED TO. I cooked, I cleaned, I waited on him hand and foot. I had never wanted to do anything for my ex-husband. Matter of fact I didn't. He cleaned, he mostly cooked, he mostly did laundry and managed to work forty-eight hours a week. And I still wasn't happy. But now I had met someone who I wanted to do all this for..this had to be love. I didn't even care if he worked. Forgave him over and over when I would catch him talking to other women on dating sites. Forgave him over and over for lying. Is that what love is? Forgiving someone for constantly hurting you..because you see the good in them? And know that they have their own issues that make them not think about how their actions will affect others? Is it love? Obsession? Infatuation? Stupidity? Because you see with that other man I could be myself. Not be embarrassed about my wants and my needs. I'd never felt that before. Never feel as if I'm being judged. That made me overlook everything else. Helped me find my inner strength and be able to stand on my own..things I'll always be grateful for. But is it love?