Last night was the end. The end of what I think will be my closest shot to finding that special someone. To truly feel love. Bryant moved out and I was alone. I spent hours crying then all the sudden I had an epiphany of some sort. Maybe this was God's plan was for me? I had struggled so much growing up with my mental health. My low self-esteem kicked me for a loop every other day. I finally found somebody who made me feel comfortable enough to put down my walls.
Through all of that no matter how bad it got I got through it. Every time he cheated I forgave him because I loved him. And every lie I forgot about. I think that's what love feels like. There were times when it was great but towards the end, it was mostly bad. I know that most women would not have stood for half of what he did to me. But I learned so much. I learned more than I've ever learned in any relationship. I learned how to stand on my own, I learned that I was beautiful and I learned that I'm enough. And when I punched him for the first time I realized that my fear of men was gone I didn't have to be afraid of him or any other man anymore which I had been for so long. He gave me that strength, so even though there were more negative than positive I'm so blessed that I had him in my life. So blessed that he could teach me how to survive and to love myself while doing it. And the greatest part? That I was comfortable enough with myself to be alone. When you love yourself you're the only company you need. ❤❤