WAKE UP CALL

     Have you ever just taken the time to breathe? To just sit and think about your life? Everything that you have? Today I decided to change up my normal routine and write outside. I've been wanting to do it more than I have been but there's always something that gets in my way. So this evening even though the house was quiet I set up my laptop on my old rusty lawn table and got stuck. Yes stuck. I sat there and stared at the monitor unable to do anything with it. All I could do was smile. Which I haven't done in a while. I don't know what came over me but I was filled with emotion as I breathed in the fresh air and felt the wind on my skin. And at that moment I just felt grateful. I felt truly blessed. I don't know how but all of the things that have been bothering me just went away. They are so stupid, so minute compared to what I have right in front of me, all around me. Because I was so fixated on all the negative things happening I had forgotten the beautiful things that I have been blessed with. Men will come and go as will material things but the most important things that we fail to appreciate are around us all the time and never leave our side. I had been so selfish fixating on crap that won't matter ten years from now that I had forgotten what GOD gave me and continues to bless me with. I feel like I have gotten some type of clarity. I can honestly say that this has never happened to me before. But I definitely needed it. I gave thanks to Jesus for yet another wake-up call. Lol. He knows I needed one.

THE LIFE OF A NARCISSIST

     What makes a person a liar? In my life, I've had many people lie to me. First off my parents who told me that Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were real. I've had people lie to me to protect my feelings and withhold information that they thought at the time I didn't need to hear. But I never thought of them as liars, just people maintaining my childhood and having my best interest at heart. I guess to me a liar would be someone that could look you straight in the eyes with no regard to your feelings and tell you something untruthful to only protect themselves or make themselves look better. Narcissistic liars are the ones who do all that but actually, believe their lies and establish a concrete fictional story that they tell the world to either make themselves look good or to gain sympathy from others but lack empathy.

INCONSOLABLE

      Good evening all! I hope everyone is well and all of you couples out there are gearing up for a great Valentine's Day. I had to take a step back for a few days and double up on my daily meditation. For those of you who don't meditate you should seriously consider it. It helps clear the mind, the body and the spirit which is something I think we all need. I have especially needed it the last week. Specifically after the event on Friday. As I'm sure you are all aware I don't get embarrassed very easily anymore. All of my dirty laundry one way or another ends up either on here or in my upcoming book. But I have to say that events that took place Friday caused a whirlwind of embarrassment when I woke up Saturday. Then even more so on Monday.

POWERLESS

     Do you ever feel yourself falling? Wondering how one situation could cause a domino effect and unleash everything you fought so hard to keep at bay? It happens to the best of us whether we wanna admit it or not. Even the best of us crumble, but the majority of people know what to do to brush it off their shoulders and never look back. Others cradle their sorrows and wallow in our own self-pity. I myself have been on both sides. Able to tell people to fuck off if they put me in a mood and also the one rocking and crying in the corner. Right now I'm the one who cries at the drop of a hat and hates what she's allowed. The one who's disappointed in herself for getting back to where she swore she'd never go back to. Knowing how and why it happened but feeling powerless to stop it. Nobody is perfect I know and we all make mistakes. But I guess you have no one to blame but yourself when you allow the mistakes to happen over and over again. I have no one to blame but me. I was given the warnings time and time again but I didn't listen. Had fucked up situations hit me smack dab in the middle of my face and I just brushed them away. My heart constantly overpowers what my brain tells me to do. The part that is logical and realistic. My heart feels so bad and it overpowers every other feeling and emotion that I have. And before I know it with the help of my heart I've been brainwashed into not listening to that logical thinking anymore. It's a step that I realize it though. So maybe with a little bit of help, I can heal and not feel this way anymore.

BEAUTIFUL YOU

I had planned on posting these a couple days ago but I'm just now getting around to it. Why U ask? Because at that moment I felt beautiful. And that's what life is all about. No matter who or what tries to bring me down I still am able to hold my head up high and be proud of who I am.

It's Ok To Feel Beautiful...Learn To Love Being You

 

CLARITY

     Here's what I know. I know that we all have a heart, air in our lungs and a brain that tells our body what to do before it even happens. What I don't know is why our brains are each built the same but different if that makes sense. What I mean by that is what is different inside ourselves that makes us all individuals? What makes a person a murderer and what makes someone a saint? I know that it has to do our brain chemistry but how is each person's different? Who or what decides that? All my life I've tried to understand why I'm so different. Why my brain chemistry is made up so differently than others. I'm sure that it's a common question for most people whose serotonin levels are abnormal like mine. When God made Adam he was perfect.