Good evening all! I hope everyone is well and all of you couples out there are gearing up for a great Valentine's Day. I had to take a step back for a few days and double up on my daily meditation. For those of you who don't meditate you should seriously consider it. It helps clear the mind, the body and the spirit which is something I think we all need. I have especially needed it the last week. Specifically after the event on Friday. As I'm sure you are all aware I don't get embarrassed very easily anymore. All of my dirty laundry one way or another ends up either on here or in my upcoming book. But I have to say that events that took place Friday caused a whirlwind of embarrassment when I woke up Saturday. Then even more so on Monday.
Let me begin my story by saying that I believe that there is a breaking point for all of us. Sometimes it doesn't take much and others have to be absolutely pushed to their limit. My Friday started out like any normal day. I had made plans in the morning with a friend and was home by noon. No issue there. After that, I can honestly say that I don't remember much. No, it wasn't caused by alcohol or any drugs but I do believe it was from arguing with the one who still manages to tear my heart out every day. I remember arguing with him, I remember bits and pieces of crying to my friend on the phone but that's about it. It was as if my mind and my heart couldn't take anymore and it just shut down. Kinda like it's own defense mechanism. When I woke up on Saturday morning I was in my bed but my mind was groggy. I went into panic mode because I didn't remember even going to bed the night before. I tried to gather my thoughts and think hard about the last thing I had remembered. Arguing I remembered, talking to my friend I remember and I remembered being upset and crying. I remembered she needed me to look for some paperwork but I couldn't remember what paperwork and for what reason she needed it. Talk about scary. I knew I hadn't drank a drop of alcohol and I hadn't consumed anything else that would impair my memory. All I strongly remembered was how bad I was arguing with the one who broke my heart. I shrugged it off thinking maybe my memory was just a little groggy from how little I sleep anymore. Fast forward to Monday morning. Around 8:30 am I awaken to my phone ringing in my ear. I quickly hit the f-u button, rolled over and fell back asleep. An hour later my phone rings again. By the time my mind really processed that I needed to check my phone it had already stopped ringing and another voicemail had been left. Thinking that there may have been something wrong I listened to the messages. It was my friend rescheduling the appointment that we had made for that afternoon. So what right? Well here's the kicker. I had no memory of even making that appointment with her. Apparently, we had made these plans on Friday during our phone call. I quickly called her and told her of my memory loss. Apparently, when we had spoke I was in hysterics and hyperventilating. Crying inconsolably. Then it hit me. I had experienced this before back in 2012 but not nearly as bad. I had suffered my second nervous breakdown. When I told her of this she agreed that I probably did. That memory loss was common with a breakdown. Needless to say, it scared the shit out of me. Since moving here in 2015 I have been for the most part dealing with life without my meds. But as much as we try to deny it there are times when we have to call in reinforcements. It doesn't make us weak it makes us human. I strongly believe that sometimes we all need a little help and it takes a bigger person to admit that we aren't perfect.
Let me begin my story by saying that I believe that there is a breaking point for all of us. Sometimes it doesn't take much and others have to be absolutely pushed to their limit. My Friday started out like any normal day. I had made plans in the morning with a friend and was home by noon. No issue there. After that, I can honestly say that I don't remember much. No, it wasn't caused by alcohol or any drugs but I do believe it was from arguing with the one who still manages to tear my heart out every day. I remember arguing with him, I remember bits and pieces of crying to my friend on the phone but that's about it. It was as if my mind and my heart couldn't take anymore and it just shut down. Kinda like it's own defense mechanism. When I woke up on Saturday morning I was in my bed but my mind was groggy. I went into panic mode because I didn't remember even going to bed the night before. I tried to gather my thoughts and think hard about the last thing I had remembered. Arguing I remembered, talking to my friend I remember and I remembered being upset and crying. I remembered she needed me to look for some paperwork but I couldn't remember what paperwork and for what reason she needed it. Talk about scary. I knew I hadn't drank a drop of alcohol and I hadn't consumed anything else that would impair my memory. All I strongly remembered was how bad I was arguing with the one who broke my heart. I shrugged it off thinking maybe my memory was just a little groggy from how little I sleep anymore. Fast forward to Monday morning. Around 8:30 am I awaken to my phone ringing in my ear. I quickly hit the f-u button, rolled over and fell back asleep. An hour later my phone rings again. By the time my mind really processed that I needed to check my phone it had already stopped ringing and another voicemail had been left. Thinking that there may have been something wrong I listened to the messages. It was my friend rescheduling the appointment that we had made for that afternoon. So what right? Well here's the kicker. I had no memory of even making that appointment with her. Apparently, we had made these plans on Friday during our phone call. I quickly called her and told her of my memory loss. Apparently, when we had spoke I was in hysterics and hyperventilating. Crying inconsolably. Then it hit me. I had experienced this before back in 2012 but not nearly as bad. I had suffered my second nervous breakdown. When I told her of this she agreed that I probably did. That memory loss was common with a breakdown. Needless to say, it scared the shit out of me. Since moving here in 2015 I have been for the most part dealing with life without my meds. But as much as we try to deny it there are times when we have to call in reinforcements. It doesn't make us weak it makes us human. I strongly believe that sometimes we all need a little help and it takes a bigger person to admit that we aren't perfect.