Tough love is never easy. It doesn't matter who you give it to it hurts till the very end. At that time you are the only one who can actually feel any love because the one getting the love only feels abandonment. For months I have been silently watching someone I hold so very dear self destruct through my laptop. Always being there when she called like she was for me so many moons ago. There was a time in my life when I idolized her and was jealous of everything that she was. She was someone that could light up a room just by her presence and leave her mark where ever she went. Everything growing up that I wanted to be.
I remember every time she spoke her voice was strong and it was something that I admired so much. But somehow along the way everything changed. Her voice became silent and her confidence became non-existent. All respect that she once had for herself was gone. And without me realizing it at the time I became the one that she was to me all those years before. I can't for the life of me understand what happened to her, how she became so lost. How her morals and respect for herself became memories and nothing more. Having my own issues at the moment I still tried to be there for her, answering the phone at four am when she called just to listen to her cry. I had become her shoulder to lean on despite needing one of my own. Today though was different. I had to choose my gut and my own morals instead of saving her. In my mind, GOD is telling me that my choice was the right one that she will thank me in the end, but in my heart, I feel so bad. My mom is right, I can't save the world especially when it could possibly ruin mine. I just hope and pray that GOD will give her guidance through this and hopefully after dealing with the consequences of her actions she will be able to find her voice once again...and I'll be right there with admiration like it was so long ago...
I remember every time she spoke her voice was strong and it was something that I admired so much. But somehow along the way everything changed. Her voice became silent and her confidence became non-existent. All respect that she once had for herself was gone. And without me realizing it at the time I became the one that she was to me all those years before. I can't for the life of me understand what happened to her, how she became so lost. How her morals and respect for herself became memories and nothing more. Having my own issues at the moment I still tried to be there for her, answering the phone at four am when she called just to listen to her cry. I had become her shoulder to lean on despite needing one of my own. Today though was different. I had to choose my gut and my own morals instead of saving her. In my mind, GOD is telling me that my choice was the right one that she will thank me in the end, but in my heart, I feel so bad. My mom is right, I can't save the world especially when it could possibly ruin mine. I just hope and pray that GOD will give her guidance through this and hopefully after dealing with the consequences of her actions she will be able to find her voice once again...and I'll be right there with admiration like it was so long ago...