Finally, tonight my writer's block came to an end, somewhat. For the last few weeks, I've opened my laptop to jump into the writing of my book but couldn't. So many things have made my life eventful the last four years but tbh I've had no idea how to even begin to put them into words. I've done the outline thing which was a no go and everything else you could possibly think of with no success. I'm thinking the problem is me. I've got too much-jarbled bullshit going on up in the ole noggin that I'm steps away from reserving a bed in the looney bin. And I know myself, nothing in my world is peas and carrots when I'm at that point.
Nothing in my life works out or makes any sense. And yes I know that the point of even having this blog is to show the world how people can strive and overcome mental illness but damnnit I'm only human too. And this is me. This is how someone with a mental illness is. Now granted I'm a lot stronger than I once was...a lot stronger. A couple of years ago the craziness that is presently my life would have taken me out, hook, line, and sinker. So for that, I am proud of myself. But again, I am human and I have triggers and I take on too much. That's my problem I think. I take on too much and forgive too easily. One thing I know but haven't been able to do is learn when to say no. I have an awful habit of letting people take advantage of my giving heart. Damn my giving heart. I keep telling myself that it's ok to say no, so why is it so hard for me when it's needed? I keep asking JC to answer my prayers and to give me guidance to find the way to do but as of now, I must be at the end of his line for requests. But it's ok, I'll just keep praying and keep on keeping on because that's the only thing to do. Amen to that.
Nothing in my life works out or makes any sense. And yes I know that the point of even having this blog is to show the world how people can strive and overcome mental illness but damnnit I'm only human too. And this is me. This is how someone with a mental illness is. Now granted I'm a lot stronger than I once was...a lot stronger. A couple of years ago the craziness that is presently my life would have taken me out, hook, line, and sinker. So for that, I am proud of myself. But again, I am human and I have triggers and I take on too much. That's my problem I think. I take on too much and forgive too easily. One thing I know but haven't been able to do is learn when to say no. I have an awful habit of letting people take advantage of my giving heart. Damn my giving heart. I keep telling myself that it's ok to say no, so why is it so hard for me when it's needed? I keep asking JC to answer my prayers and to give me guidance to find the way to do but as of now, I must be at the end of his line for requests. But it's ok, I'll just keep praying and keep on keeping on because that's the only thing to do. Amen to that.