So I had handwritten a blog entry to put in here the other day but for some reason, I just didn't get around to it and I wasn't sure why. Call it a hunch that I would soon regret it if I did. And boy was I right. You know when you suffer a disease you tend to have a heart and feel an overwhelming sense of compassion for those who suffer the same as you. But what about when you realize that the person is just bat shit crazy and there's absolutely no hope for them. That everything going on with them is because of their own actions. I'm proven right in that sense every time. That they turned out to just have motives for their generosity and when things don't go their way they turn into Jeckle and Mr. Hyde. I always wondered how we could hate it each other and then befriends so quickly. Maybe at the time, I was just looking to someone more fucked up than I was so that I didn't have to feel so shitty about my own life.
Maybe I just needed to feel needed like I seem to feel so much. But never in my life have I felt so unappreciated and used by someone that I don't even share my bed with. Someone who claims to wanna stand with GOD but does one disgusting sin after another and can't understand why he won't answer her prayers. Like, are you kidding me right now? U want answers when you can't get off the fetish chat rooms or the online dating sites? Seriously? Or when your heart is cold as ice? Actions speak louder than words. Yeah, I'm not perfect but damn. I couldn't take one more minute of being around someone who only thought about themselves and had no one to blame for the events going on but herself. For her own actions. I can't stand when a person can't admit they fucked up and places the blame on everyone else but themselves. So running away and walking seven miles in the middle of the night was well worth the inner peace I felt when I walked through my front door. Even if I was followed half the time. GOD told me to go and protected me as I walked that long journey home, just like I knew he would. Thank you, Lord, praise be to GOD.
Maybe I just needed to feel needed like I seem to feel so much. But never in my life have I felt so unappreciated and used by someone that I don't even share my bed with. Someone who claims to wanna stand with GOD but does one disgusting sin after another and can't understand why he won't answer her prayers. Like, are you kidding me right now? U want answers when you can't get off the fetish chat rooms or the online dating sites? Seriously? Or when your heart is cold as ice? Actions speak louder than words. Yeah, I'm not perfect but damn. I couldn't take one more minute of being around someone who only thought about themselves and had no one to blame for the events going on but herself. For her own actions. I can't stand when a person can't admit they fucked up and places the blame on everyone else but themselves. So running away and walking seven miles in the middle of the night was well worth the inner peace I felt when I walked through my front door. Even if I was followed half the time. GOD told me to go and protected me as I walked that long journey home, just like I knew he would. Thank you, Lord, praise be to GOD.