My mind has been a mess. Two weeks ago I went to the psychiatrist to get back on something to help stabilize my mood and decrease my anxiety. Its been at an all-time high lately. I literally cry over everything and constantly have chest pains. When I opened my mouth to tell the Dr what was going on in my life I was instantly in tears, despite my best effort to keep it together. She started me on this new medication called Vraylar. Two weeks later I still haven't felt the effects but hopefully soon. She also put me back on Xanax at a lower dose to start. Yesterday I had to go back for a med check. Yet again I instantly burst into tears. I am trying so hard to feel emotionally okay but it's so hard when you have obstacles blocking your way there. Every day is a struggle just to get out of bed. I did make Bryant a big dinner today which I haven't done in a long time and it felt good. Really good. For a minute I felt like the old me. But only for a minute. Then life's bullshit slapped me back into reality. I keep wondering if this normal if there are others dealing with the same kind of things. And also if I'm ever gonna find true peace in my life. One thing I've learned since diving head first into the bible is that we choose our own paths in life. So anything that happens to us good or bad is a result of our actions. When we go through it and have bad things happen to us we have no one to blame but ourselves.