Surrender...thats what I'm about to do. I honestly don't know how much more strength I can muster. I'm so emotionally drained that I'm physically drained every-day as well. Last week it got so bad that I had to call the cops because I became so afraid. And that takes a lot. But when you are face to face with someone stronger than you who is waving an ax towards you and punching holes in the walls it's hard not to want to seek protection. I guess when you tell me you hate me every-day you really mean it. I mean you would have to truly hate someone to treat them that way. I know a lot has to do with the fact that I'm a bitch towards you a lot of the time but you have to ask yourself why. Could it be all the resentment I hold towards you for all of the things you've done to me? Maybe the fact that you could lie, sneak , cheat and belittle me every-day?
While I pay for the roof over your head? The bike you drive to go meet the women? How about the fact that you never cook for yourself and are catered to like crazy. Do you understand how lucky you are to have someone like that? Especially after all you've done to me. I know, I know you try to justify it by telling the world I have also cheated on you. But we were states apart when that happened and I had totally shut myself off from you. even changing my number so you wouldn't contact me. Not cheating in my eyes. It wasn't the same type of thing like days before when you had multiple women in an apt that was still in my name. How about when you lie to the world and make it sound like you are the one who keeps the roof over our heads and pays for your own shit? Do you know how loud the screaming is in my head? And how fair has it been that the money you make doesn't help with the bills? How are you giving it to me? The screaming is so so bad I want to just blurt it out. But I don't wanna take a chance of being chased by that ax again. That thing is no joke. I wouldn't dare throw the first swing now seeing your true feelings really project when we argue. I wish it was how it was at the beginning, or at least how I imagined it to be. Every day I'd ask you where my safest place was and the answer would always be the same....in your arms. Now the only place that has ever felt safe to me is the place I fear the most.
While I pay for the roof over your head? The bike you drive to go meet the women? How about the fact that you never cook for yourself and are catered to like crazy. Do you understand how lucky you are to have someone like that? Especially after all you've done to me. I know, I know you try to justify it by telling the world I have also cheated on you. But we were states apart when that happened and I had totally shut myself off from you. even changing my number so you wouldn't contact me. Not cheating in my eyes. It wasn't the same type of thing like days before when you had multiple women in an apt that was still in my name. How about when you lie to the world and make it sound like you are the one who keeps the roof over our heads and pays for your own shit? Do you know how loud the screaming is in my head? And how fair has it been that the money you make doesn't help with the bills? How are you giving it to me? The screaming is so so bad I want to just blurt it out. But I don't wanna take a chance of being chased by that ax again. That thing is no joke. I wouldn't dare throw the first swing now seeing your true feelings really project when we argue. I wish it was how it was at the beginning, or at least how I imagined it to be. Every day I'd ask you where my safest place was and the answer would always be the same....in your arms. Now the only place that has ever felt safe to me is the place I fear the most.