TAKING OUT THE TRASH

     So today my day was eventful but yet it was very difficult. I had an appointment at 3 p.m. to go to the state attorney's office about what happened the night he beat me up. I was panicked because I didn't know what to do. I didn't think he needed to go to jail I just think he needed help. After my appointment, I came home and asked him when he is coming to get his things and he never answered. A short time later I hear rustling and I walk outside to see him standing beside his bike. I told him that he may come in if he needed to get his things and I asked him very calmly if his girlfriend brought him. He got very defensive and said I don't have a girlfriend I haven't seen her in days. So as he's packing up some of his stuff I'm talking to him and of course, he's blaming everything on me go figure that one. I have this urge to go outside and walk down the street and lo and behold there she is parked in her car waiting for him. He thinks I'm stupid and he thought that I didn't know from the get-go what really was going on. So now instead of my heart being broken I am pissed beyond belief. I'm half tempted to take the rest of his belongings and put them in a pile and catch him on fire because that's what he deserves. They both deserve each other because they're both trash. It'll only be a matter of time before the hooker is in jail or dead along with him.

FACING THE MUSIC

      So yesterday,  low and behold guess who showed up? Yep, you guessed it, dipshit. It was around the same time it always is when he comes back after a night out, elevenish. Check out time. He came up with some lie and said he was all over but never admitting he was at the Belmont. So I let it go and played it cool so I wouldn't get in another argument with him. I did ask him about Rachel and he said he was never with her which I knew was a full out lie. And he told me that she was just a friend which I knew too was a lie. So I told him that if she was just a friend then he should invite her over. He totally ignored that comment. So I told him that I was gonna contact her and I did just that. I even apologized for all the mean things I said to her because I am a bigger person than that. she finally responded telling me that she didn't know what to say but asked me if she could come over so we could talk face to face and I agreed. By this time he had left going to go check on the car. When she arrived I couldn't comprehend what he saw in her. she wasn't ugly but in no way was she on my level. Plain jane with a big old needle mark on her arm. How attractive.

BLINDED BY LOVE

     I must be the biggest idiot in the world. I could slap the shit outta myself because I know better. I know him. After spending four days in jail I went to the pawnshop with a bunch of his things to get up enough money to bond him out. Then when I had enough I sent one of our friends up to sign for his bond. What was I thinking? This man never had any intention of working things out with me and continued talking to her even when I did all the leg work to get him out. He continued to play me until I found her number listed under another fake name. Of course, he denied doing it and got pissed off and stormed out of the room when I confronted him. Then after looking through his phone records, I saw that he had been talking to her every single day since he got out. And lied to my face every time I asked him if he had. How could he treat me like this after everything I've done for him? How could he be so cruel? So after our argument, he left to guess where? Yep to be with her. He shut off his GPS thinking that I'd think his phone was off. Well, that was seven hours ago and I've spent the whole day crying, pissed at myself and pissed at him. What makes him so important, so special, that I could let him do this to me over and over? 

SEALED SHUT THE CONCLUSION

     As I was sitting there listening to him save his own ass I thought about the last four years and everything that we had been through. The good time and the bad, trying to figure out what had happened to us. How we went from not a bicker for the first year and a half to this. It just didnt seem fair. At one point we were so much in love. Or at least I was. I thought he was too. But I know that he couldn't have been. Maybe he thought he was but I'm not sure he even knows what love is. Four years of emotional abuse, cheating and now physical abuse. It had just gotten worse as time went on, him caring a little less every day. His words to the cops let me know I was right lying to them and making me look bad to save his own ass. I didnt want him going to jail over this, I knew that he just needed a break. But the cops didnt take no for an answer and off in handcuffs he went. I was told that he would be ROR'd and out the next day but that didnt happen either. He was charged with a misdemeanor domestic battery and to my surprise and dread a felony.  The felony was for tampering with evidence which I didnt understand at first. I was told he received that for trying to take my phone to call first help.
     That night and throughout the next day my friends took shifts and stayed by my side. When he called me the next day I knew what I was about to deal with. Sure enough he was crying and apologizing for everything. Almost the same storyline he had when he was in there for breaking my nose. I could have almost written it myself. I told him that I forgave him like I always did but told him things had to change. He agreed and begged me to find a way to get him out. I told him I would work on it and I hung up the phone. The next day he called again and acted like a totally different person. He told me after that he acted this way to light a fire under my ass but I knew which personality was the real one. I needed him out though because even though he scared me at the moment some weirdo who began stalking me the day after he went in scared me more, banging on my doors and windows at four am. It terrified me. And over the next couple days even though I was still hurt by what he had done to me I missed him terribly. When he was bonded out four days later everything went back to how it was before. The I'm sorry's were again just words...

SEALED SHUT PART TWO

      Looking down at the phone I panicked, for two reasons. One, I was terribly afraid and shocked by what had just happened. I couldn't understand how someone who claimed to love me could hurt me. Secondly, I didn't know what to say to the 911 operator. Should I tell them what was wrong or just play it off as an accident? I was torn as crazy as that sounds. I was terrified that he would hurt me again but yet I didn't wanna say anything and have him taken away from me. All he needed was to cool down but I knew they would take him to jail. I answered the phone trying to sound calm but my voice was trembling terribly. When the 911 operator asked if I was okay, I quickly replied yes and told her that I didn't need assistance. She didn't buy it and told me the police had already been dispatched.

SEALED SHUT PART ONE

      I started writing this Friday and only got a few sentences written when I had to stop because I couldn't see through the tears. This is as far as I got... 

      If I was in any condition last night I would have had so much to write. Unfortunately, I wasn't. Dipshit had disappeared again for the night. "I slept in the car last night." This is what I heard. Yeah right, you piece of shit. So yesterday was spent screaming and then it got even worse. My Chromebook went flying because I took the keys to MY car when I told him to get the fuck out when his ride came. Unfortunately, his friends bolted leaving him behind when the bitch came out of me. I picked up my laptop, gave him a fuck you and descended to my room, keys in my bra. I knew that he was fired up so along the way I made sure I locked him out of the main house. Big mistake. He started screaming, pulling the door in an unsuccessful attempt to get it open. I knew if I didn't go back and open it my Florida room would be no more. So reluctantly I walked back out, unlocked the door and scurried in my room.

HOTEL HOE

     Well, there's so much to write I don't even know where to begin. First off, all those things I said about him trying in my last post, yeah they were all an act. I caught him with another chick last week. They claim they didn't sleep together but I'm not stupid. When I caught him he knew he was in trouble so I told him to leave. Later that day obviously panicked, he came home and asked me to marry him ring and all. He told me the same bullshit story, that it would never happen again. Fast forward to five days later.....
       The day started out like any other, I woke up and remembered that Mr. Energy had done laundry at like six am. I assumed that he had brought it back up to the house for me to hang on the line. It was now around ten and not a piece of clothing in sight. So I called him and they were still down in the washer. Four hours later. I was pissed. I hate the fact that everything always has to be his way or done on his time. Total bullshit. I never have a say or my own voice. Both are totally gone. So I did what I always do when I'm pissed at him and he's not home, I called him up.