Monday, September 30, 2019

DENIAL

      How can you turn away someone you love so much? How can you just walk away from someone who has truly had your heart for the last four years? The only one you've ever truly let in and put your walls down for? I was still trying to figure out what stage of grief I was in, knowing that there was no way I could only be in the first stage which is denial. I very well may be though since this roller coaster has just continued and continued not ever having an end date, never giving me time to heal. Just when I thought things were starting to calm down I was again hit by something else. Usually another woman and in turn another lie.

     He makes such a big deal in the fact that I give him no privacy but how could he think I would? Every time I get that feeling I'm right and it was for a reason. When he came to the door that night I had every intention of slamming the door back in his face. But I took one look at him, and all I saw was such a lost face that only wanted to be loved. It was a face that I had loved for the last four years despite everything that he's done to me. I opened the door and let him in and I walked away. He quietly came into the house and sat down on the bed trying to come up with some excuse to justify what he had done. But there was none. There was no coming back from the heartache he had caused me and how many days he made me cry myself to sleep. He promised me once again. That he'd never talk to her again but I knew better. I knew that it wasn't ever going to end, so I didn't know what to do. What do you do when you love somebody so much? 

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