I'm sure that every one of you have experienced a time in your life where you felt as if you were just existing. Not making a difference in the world and not having a life goal. For me, I've felt that way more times than not, even if it was only in my head at that moment. That would be my mental illness revealing itself, making me it's only audience. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. For example, I feel like the biggest pile of shit right now.
Ugly, unimportant and non productive. But in all honesty that's farthest from the truth. I matter, we all matter, but sometimes my psych goggles are on so tight and they become so thick that I can't see shit. I'm not able to see outside my bubble and at that point I can actually feel it getting smaller around me. So much sometimes that I can feel it suffocating me. And that would be one of those times that my anxiety takes center stage in my mental health production. Sometimes I'm strong enough to yank it off of that dark, cold stage and other times it brings reinforcements and the only way that I can get out from under it to the next scene is by therapy and alot of medication. That's when I know shit has become bad. When I cant overcome it and silence the screams inside my head. It's feels like a hammer pounding those thoughts in my mind and it doesn't matter how hard I try or what I do I'm powerless to stop it.
Ugly, unimportant and non productive. But in all honesty that's farthest from the truth. I matter, we all matter, but sometimes my psych goggles are on so tight and they become so thick that I can't see shit. I'm not able to see outside my bubble and at that point I can actually feel it getting smaller around me. So much sometimes that I can feel it suffocating me. And that would be one of those times that my anxiety takes center stage in my mental health production. Sometimes I'm strong enough to yank it off of that dark, cold stage and other times it brings reinforcements and the only way that I can get out from under it to the next scene is by therapy and alot of medication. That's when I know shit has become bad. When I cant overcome it and silence the screams inside my head. It's feels like a hammer pounding those thoughts in my mind and it doesn't matter how hard I try or what I do I'm powerless to stop it.