So I gotta be honest, even though I love my bubble and being alone, I'm starting to get a little lonely. I mean I can only talk to my dog so much. And I think that I know why. I think that in the four years that we were together I was actually alone more than I was with somebody. Especially the last year since we've been here and since he got his first scooter. He was gone constantly and even when he was here he really wasn't here so I spent a lot of time by myself. Another issue that we had was the fact that in the last year that we were together all we did was fight constantly. We just couldn't get along which I didn't understand because for the first year and a half of our relationship we didn't fight one time.
But this last year all we did was fight. We couldn't even have a decent conversation with each other without it turning into an argument. And now that I'm really by myself it's affecting me a little different than I thought it would. One thing I don't know is why it changed and how it changed. When we went to New York we were stronger than ever and when I left New York I thought things were fine but when he came back down here four months later and we reunited we were different. Everything changed when he came back and that's when the fighting started. But I can't for the life of me figure out what changed when he was gone, with me with him, what changed in us that made us not get along anymore. Maybe it was the fact that in those four months that he was gone I actually found my feet. I got a little stronger being away from him and that's the part that was the biggest problem the last year of our relationship. I finally stuck up for myself and he hated that. So now I sit here alone. I'm trying to keep busy and preoccupy my mind and my thoughts. I'm trying to move on and find someone that I deserve. I think I might actually have a date that I'm actually excited about which I didn't figure would happen so quickly but it did. I also painted the whole house which took me 4 days. I'm almost done thank god. I made it was busy work so that I didn't have to think of anything which was the last thing I wanted to do. But I know as the days go by its definitely getting easier. If it wasnt I wouldn't even think to date someone else. But this one, he's special, so my fingers are crossed.
But this last year all we did was fight. We couldn't even have a decent conversation with each other without it turning into an argument. And now that I'm really by myself it's affecting me a little different than I thought it would. One thing I don't know is why it changed and how it changed. When we went to New York we were stronger than ever and when I left New York I thought things were fine but when he came back down here four months later and we reunited we were different. Everything changed when he came back and that's when the fighting started. But I can't for the life of me figure out what changed when he was gone, with me with him, what changed in us that made us not get along anymore. Maybe it was the fact that in those four months that he was gone I actually found my feet. I got a little stronger being away from him and that's the part that was the biggest problem the last year of our relationship. I finally stuck up for myself and he hated that. So now I sit here alone. I'm trying to keep busy and preoccupy my mind and my thoughts. I'm trying to move on and find someone that I deserve. I think I might actually have a date that I'm actually excited about which I didn't figure would happen so quickly but it did. I also painted the whole house which took me 4 days. I'm almost done thank god. I made it was busy work so that I didn't have to think of anything which was the last thing I wanted to do. But I know as the days go by its definitely getting easier. If it wasnt I wouldn't even think to date someone else. But this one, he's special, so my fingers are crossed.