Saturday, November 16, 2019

FREE WILL

     So it's been a minute since I posted on here. I've been so busy with everything going on in my world and busy working on my book. It's been a year this month since I started writing it and let me tell you it hasn't been easy. Since it's a memoir I've been reliving everything that has gone on in my life, good and bad. It's crazy that in just 37 years I can fill a book with so many things. I always thought that my life was boring and empty, doing the same things every day so much that I have a routine, but it's really not that way at all. From my parent's divorce, being bullied, suffering mental illness, and a present-day narcissistic trauma-related relationship, I've dealt with it all. I'm so excited to hopefully find an agent and publisher and get it out there for the world to read.
     I have to say that I'm pretty proud of myself working long hours to achieve this goal. Not many people are willing to put it all out there, especially the things that make them look bad but I have. I'm not embarrassed by the foolish things that I have done because it's made me into the woman I am today. Do I have regrets in my life? Yes. Do I wish I could take back a lot of the mistakes I made in my life? Most definitely. But if I could, maybe then I'd be correct in thinking my life was boring. We all have skeletons in our closets, even the most popular person in the world. God is the only perfect being in this universe. He created each and every one of us actually to eventually commit some type of sin in our lives even if its only one little one. After all, isn't that why he sacrificed his only son by letting him die on the cross that day? To forgive us of our sins? He obviously did it for a reason. As far as my life goes I've created a lot of them. And I may dance with the devil from time to time, but that's by God's hand as well. He gives us free will in our lives to make those bad choices, but he's a voice in our ear after the fact to hopefully influence us to learn from those mistakes. And if we continue to make the same mistake over and over again, he knows what time it is and we have no one to blame but ourselves when we live eternity in flames and not beside him.

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