I have a confession to make and it is this. I am human and unfortunately, sometimes I am a glutton for punishment. One of my biggest weaknesses is that I forgive too easily when sometimes I shouldn't. Whoever said that being in love is total bliss, well they are full of shit. And I'm just gonna leave it at that. Anyway, so lately I've been reevaluating my life. Deciding where in fact I need to change my ways, change my surroundings and maybe change my day to day company. I feel so lost right now like I don't have a reason for being. I miss my boys so much that it physically makes me ill. I've had my medications adjusted to help me deal with life a little better, but I honestly don't think that there is a big enough pill out there to put a bandaid on my mommy issues.
The only thing that can heal my wound as far as that's concerned is to move back home. And honestly, I've really been contemplating it, very much. But if I go back and they reject me, I don't think I'll survive that. That would be the icing on the cake with all the chaos I've had lately. But that chaos was my own fault and I have no one to blame but myself. And if I do go back and they do reject me, then what? I am alone again. I honestly feel like I'm alone everywhere I go. Before I moved here I felt so alone in PA. I thought that by moving here I would be around my family and loved ones, but that didn't work out as well as I thought. I mean I can't get upset, we are all adults and have to live our own lives and look out for number one. But lately, I've felt extremely alone. Aside from my dog I really don't have anyone that will always be by my side. And it's sad when I think about it. I don't know if this is normal for adulthood, but I don't think that it is. I remember when I was young my family was always together, but now it's only for weddings, funerals, and reunions. So what do I do, start all over yet again when more than likely time will repeat itself and I'll be as lonely there as I was four years ago.
The only thing that can heal my wound as far as that's concerned is to move back home. And honestly, I've really been contemplating it, very much. But if I go back and they reject me, I don't think I'll survive that. That would be the icing on the cake with all the chaos I've had lately. But that chaos was my own fault and I have no one to blame but myself. And if I do go back and they do reject me, then what? I am alone again. I honestly feel like I'm alone everywhere I go. Before I moved here I felt so alone in PA. I thought that by moving here I would be around my family and loved ones, but that didn't work out as well as I thought. I mean I can't get upset, we are all adults and have to live our own lives and look out for number one. But lately, I've felt extremely alone. Aside from my dog I really don't have anyone that will always be by my side. And it's sad when I think about it. I don't know if this is normal for adulthood, but I don't think that it is. I remember when I was young my family was always together, but now it's only for weddings, funerals, and reunions. So what do I do, start all over yet again when more than likely time will repeat itself and I'll be as lonely there as I was four years ago.