Is it just me or does the holidays always bring out the "everything" in people? Every emotion that you could possibly feel comes to surface full throttle. I feel like I'm drowning in a endless sea pulling under everyone and giving a new meaning to the saying misery loves company. And no, I'm not seeking sympathy, I'm venting to myself. After all, this is supposed to be the place that I go to, to get everything out. A place that I know I wont be judged or have to look at anyone's face as I'm speaking. I wish that I could say that I am excited about the upcoming holiday, but quite frankly I'm not. This is another year without my precious babies, and if I had my way I'd just sleep until the New Year. It's my own fault though and I have no one to blame but myself. I never should have left PA, I should have just stuck it out and risked being beat to death by that asshole. But I thought it was the right thing to do because I didn't want my kids to have to bury their mother. But I will say this, maybe I should have just stuck it out and hoped for the best. Because what I'm going through is far worse than any hell could be. This is my punishment, this is my karma...