MEANINGLESS

      I'm slacking terribly on finding me time. I'm trying to take on as much as I can without falling, whether I want to or not. Now don't get me wrong, it feels good to finally feel like I'm doing something positive in my life, even if I am just helping out. Makes me feel like I'm not just a nobody, which I have been feeling a lot lately. I'm still trying to figure out where I belong and where I should go at this point of my life. I want to go home so bad and be with my boys but if they reject me, I don't think I could take it. That would be a crushing blow to me and definitely set me over the edge of no return. That's honestly been the only thing stopping me. I couldn't deal with their rejection. All the positive things I've been doing in my life lately haven't been for me, it's been for them. Without them my life seems so meaningless and at thirty-eight years old I really don't have or want anything to look forward to, except being with them. So doing positive things for myself doesn't really matter to me. I'd rather be positive for them, maybe they'll be at least a little proud of me.