CLOSET OF THOUGHTS

     They say that life is what you make it. And I'm inclined to agree. If you spend your life being miserable all your days will be filled with doom and gloom. If you spend your days smiling the whole world will shine back at you. For me my days are spent at attention, waiting to hear what I am to do next. I'm ashamed to say I'm right back where I was five years ago, when I first left PA. I am the doormat once more. My days are decided and my life has been planned out. I feel as if I'm twelve again and not allowed to make any decisions at all. I have no control over myself anymore.  I don't know what happened, why I broke my promise I made to myself to never end up like this again. It's like I'm living the life of someone else because I know for sure I'm not living my hopes and dreams. They've been pushed in the back of my closet of thoughts and I'm not sure whether I'll ever be able to dig them back out.