LAID UP

     So I didn't bomb the modeling gig, in fact I got it. I have to do some classes to get ready for it though and even though it really isn't much, right now it's too much for me. Not to mention I fell a few nights ago and I've been laid up in bed, unable to walk. But such is the story of my life. 

     I hate that I can't do anything for myself and have to crawl everywhere. Of all times for he and I to decide that we r over, when I need someone the most I'm alone. It sucks. Granted I do have friends but they are all so busy with their day-to-day lives that I don't wanna burden them at all. So here I sit. Alone.

      Things like this make me realize it really is me, myself, and I. I just wish they could walk to the kitchen to make us something to eat because damn I'm hungry. 

     

BOMBED

      So they say you can't win them all and boy they aren't lying. Tonight I was fortunate to have my first modeling audition and quite honestly, I bombed it. Everything that could possibly go wrong did just that. Right down to my computer dying right in the middle. 

     Now granted, I didn't expect it to go perfectly for a first, but damn. Karma sometimes always seems to rear its ugly head when its timing couldn't be worse. It's my constant reminder that I'm destined to be unhappy. I'm teased by being given a little bit of happiness then wham karma laughs at me, wondering how I could be such a fool by thinking I could actually be happy. 

    I keep wondering when my punishment will be over but it doesn't seem like I'm off the hook anytime soon. Every day is a different disappointment and quite frankly it's getting old. All I wanted to do was make my boys proud of me and know that all of this wasn't for nothing. Could someone do me a favor and ask God to cut me a break. Because I'm really tired.

SURVIVING THE STORM

     I'm trying to figure out when you finally realize you are at your breaking point. When do you know that you have one foot in the door of the loony bin and your other foot is lifted for that second foot in. I'm not sure how I've survived this long without having another nervous breakdown. Three years ago it would have already happened. Every day is filled with drama and every day there is another excuse. How can you say you can't stand someone yet text them 24/7.

    Last week during the hurricane he disappeared. I knew exactly where he was so wind and rain I started walking. I was so pissed I didn't care that I was soaking wet and freezing. When I got to the ducks house of course the dumb hoe lied and said he wasn't there. I argued with her a little then let her shut the door in my face. Walking away though I knew how sneaky he was and walked to the back of the house to see if he hid his car there. Sure enough, there it was. I walked up to the bedroom windows screaming and pounding on it that I knew he was there. I raced back to the front door and pounded on the door again. The hoe answered and played dumb as to why it was there. I barged in the door demanding that she tell me where he was. 

Finally, after she realized that I'm not as dumb as I may look she came clean and told me he was in the bedroom. I walked in and found him crouched down in the corner, hiding from me. I walked up to him punching and screaming at him demanding for answers. We exchanged words, none of which were good and I told him I was done and that he was a loser. After telling him how grimy he was a little longer I made him take me home.

Can you believe that? That's just one example of my life lately, trust me there's more. 

You want me to tell you what a fool I am? After all that plus some, I forgave him...again.