I DON'T KNOW WHY

     I don't know why I'm having so much trouble moving on. The way he treated me was terrible. Constant cheating and constant lies, constant disrespect. There were alot of times in five years that were good though, times I'll cherish forever.

     Thinking about it I do know why I'm having so much trouble, and the answer is really so simple. I love him. I'm still madly in love with the man who made me last, and I wish I could figure out why.

     Maybe it is his gentle heart, or his soft touch. Or it could be the man I saw behind closed doors, the man who revealed to me his innocence, the part that no one else was allowed to see. God I miss resting my head on his soft, smooth chest, the place where I felt the safest.

     I refuse to believe him when he said that we grew apart and that I deserve better. That is farthest from the truth because despite all the craziness, there was no man alive that was more perfect to me. My perfect imperfection.