CHRISTIAN

    So I've been putting this off the last few days, not knowing what to say. I still don't want to believe it's real, I don't want to believe your gone. You told Bryant the first time you came to the house that he grew on you, well my dear sweet Christian you grew on us too. You were more than just our friend, you were our brother. I can't believe that you're gone. 

    

    I remember the first time we met. I watched this kid karate chop the fish table like speedy Gonzales and I remember thinking to myself, "My God, that has to be the weirdest kid I've ever seen.  What the fuck is wrong with him?" I think it was only a few days later that I had to tell you it too. I remember looking at you and saying, "Dude, what is your issue? You have got to be the weirdest person I ever met."

    You looked over across the table at me and that damn puppy dog face dropped and you simply said, "Sorry." Turned out it was the thing that everyone loved the most about you.

    It didn't take us long to form a friendship, although at first, I don't think I had a choice. Every time you saw me from that point on you made it a priority to come up to me, holding your arms out, demanding a hug. And at the beginning, until you formed a friendship with Bryant, you never once ended a hug without telling me how beautiful I looked. I'd call you a weirdo and that would be about that. But then our friendship really became a friendship and I appreciated it. Some of our talks were so deep I forgot who you were because you'd go to a totally different level. Your facade would come off for awhile. But quickly after one of our deep discussions you'd put that mask back on and act like everything was okay.

    You had a personality that anyone could love and despite having a totally fucked up time you were always smiling. I could never understand it, but I wished I could be like that a quarter of the time. 

    And then you met Bryant. And instantly you were brothers. You guys absolutely drove me nuts staying up all night rapping. Absolutely crazy. I'd sit up in my room listening to you two freestyling on top of each other and laughing at each other's stupid words. And I'd just chuckle.

    I know how much you looked up to Bryant, even if he didn't. I would watch you stare at him for one of his many get your shit together lectures, and even if you thought it was complete bullshit you would listen to every single word. Even when he talked your ear off all night. 

    You couldn't begin to imagine how losing you affected him right off the jump. I've only seen him cry maybe once or twice in six years and you my dear managed to accomplish the third. I spent two days in bed crying my eyes out not wanting to believe it could be true too.

    The last time I saw you you came home with Bryant at 5am. I was livid at all of you coming in that late. We had gotten in an argument before that and when you came over u pulled out the puppy dog face again, telling me sorry. I remember still being pissed from our fight but telling you we were good, just to shut you up. 

    Fuck man, and then you went to do your ninety days for the Gameroom raid that Bryant and I bonded you out of at first. Before you went to jail I really thought you were talking shit, I really did. And I was pissed. The last message I left you was cold and so mean. Thankfully, Bryant made me erase it before you had a chance to read it. I hope you didnt anyway. 

    I'm sorry for being so upset with you, I wish I could tell you this now, to your face. Why did this have to happen, why did you have to be so stupid. I loved you like my own brother, you were family to us. You've forever changed everyones lives that knew you and loved you. 

    From what I was told you were supposed to be okay, they had you breathing again. But you started seizing and some dumb motherfucker just left you, not calling 911 or anything. What the fuck is wrong with people, how could they be so inhumane. I hope to god I never see that dumbfuck, even though I honestly dont know who he is. But rest assured Sharkey, he got his ass beat because you lost yours. 

    I'm gonna miss you so much, you have no idea. As for Bryant, you guys were on a totally different level than you and I. His heart is shattered because of this. His best friend, his brother is gone. Please Christian, help him get through this, help us all get though it. You were one in a million, and we will miss you terrribly. I hope you found peace wherever you are, because you derserved it. Up until I met you I thought I wore the best facade, but you my friend surpassed me. I applaude you.