Never in my life did I think I'd get to this point in my life. Never did I think I'd ever be drowning so deep that I couldn't see the surface above me. But right now, at this moment that's exactly where I am. An endless sea of stress and worry, a constant bottle of Xanax by my side just to leave my house.
Now granted, there have been times in the last few years that I've felt my world shatter around me, not having my boys, the cheating, the constant chaos. But I gotta say, besides not having my boys, this time surpasses them all. I'm not sure how to fix it and reach the surface once again.
I have no one to blame but myself, I know this to be true, and I'd never deny it or try to make any excuses for it. I took for granted yet again what I had or could have had, and now I'm left in my own nightmare waiting for the volcano to finally erupt. All that strength I had not that long ago is gone once again and Aprel is once again the girl in her bubble.
My fear though, is that this time around I'll only be able to see one way out of my madness, feeling terrible that it will forever hurt and affect so many that love me. I hope I'm wrong and can find another solution, but as of now, that's the only logical one I see. God, forgive me...
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