The next day I woke to silence. I had no idea when I had finally cried myself to sleep and had calmed the shaking enough to rest. I tried to call him but of course there was no answer. I wasn’t surprised. This man never seemed to surprise me anymore.
Things had been bad lately, really bad. He was dealing with some undiagnosed schizophrenia and I was dealing with the stress that went along with being on the receiving end of it. For months, he had been breaking me down, accusing me of things that just weren’t true. It kills me that he thinks that little of me or thinks that I think that little of myself.
Around the third day I had had enough of the silent treatment so I decided that since I paid his cell phone bill I had also paid for the right to shut it off. It took him three days to finally respond after that. Was he that busy to notice?
Of course all the blame was on me, I was such a terrible person. His reasoning for leaving though was definitely one for the books, and when he said it, it shattered my heart instantly in a million pieces. He accused me of trying to kill him. The same man that I’ve done nothing but love and honor and forgive over and over for the last seven years honestly thinks that I’m capable of such a thing. Does this man truly know me at all?
I couldn’t believe the fact that he could even for a second entertain this idea. After all this time he still questioned my love for him. As the days passed my sadness grew and grew. I missed him so much but I was so hurt that his mind thought so little of me. How can two people ever move on from something like this. I kept feeling like maybe this time would be it. That there would be no coming back from something this intense. To be continued…