SUCKER (Originally written 12/22/2024)

     I feel like I'm living in a dream. Wait more like a nightmare. A nightmare that I just cant wake up from. For the last week I've totally playedmom to my mans pregnant mistress while inside im screaming. I just dont know what to do about this whole situation, I just dont. Im still so much in shock that I feel as if Im climbing the walls while drowning in a sea of sorrow. I cant escape the feelings that I have. And now with her being in my face 24/7 its a constant reminder of his infedelity and the upcoming birth of his second child. Its debilitating to me and I want to just run. And how am I gonna raise a child at 42? How is it even fair to ask me to do that when I couldnt even raise my own and they hate my guts because of it? How fair is it to leave my own blood children and raise soemone elses. Thats on the top of my list of what the fuck am I doing? All of this is a result of him  thinking with the wrong head, and lying and cheating for years. In the back of my head and knew that this would probably happen