LOST THE WAY

     Well like I said before, happiness doesn't last long in my life. I truly believe that I'm not meant to be happy. Plain and simple. I'm not meant to love and be loved back. I don't know what is going on with Nate. All I know is that I'm terribly worried about him. He's angry, and he's cold. And I don't know what to do to help him. He stays out all night, this time he's been gone for days. I know he's not cheating but I'm not sure what's going on. He's doing reckless things and pushing me farther away. I refuse to live another ten years like the last, with all the secrets and lies. So, what do I do? Walk away from the man I love, or stick it out and spend another ten years crying myself to asleep? 

    These are the things I think about every day now. These are the things that engulf my mind as I try to go to sleep. With Bryant, it was easy to place the blame because he was cheating plain and simple. You can't sugarcoat that and make it become a pretty picture because it's always going to be trash. But with Nate, it's like he's trying to find his way again. I feel so guilty for him coming down here and staying, so damn guilty. Because when he was in Georgia, before he quit his job, he was doing so damn good. He had a routine, a purpose. But now, he doesn't even have his truck, which is something I need to get down here for him. I know he feels guilt for leaving his mom, and I know he feels guilty that he let his dad down. I keep telling him though that his dad would want him to be happy, but he doesn't listen.  

    I'm trying everything in my power to make him happy, but nothing I do is working. All he does is yell and fight with me when he's home, then he runs away again. I feel so bad because I really don't know what to do to make him happy. He doesn't even love himself I don't think so how's he ever going to love me?