My Three Angels,
I'm not quite sure what other route to take to get you to know that I'm still here. I'll always be here and whether you like it or not I'm not going away. I miss you all so much and you couldn't imagine the pain I live with every day knowing that we aren't together. There is a pain in my heart and guilt that weighs on me so heavy that sometimes I feel as if I'm suffocating. There are so many questions I have for you, that I want to ask you, but you are so far out of my reach. I want to explain to you why I did what I did and that I realize now what a mistake I made by leaving. I can make no excuse for myself. What I thought was a selfless act at the time I now realize it was selfish. I should have taken my chances with that drunk son of a bitch that beat me but I didn't want to risk you boys having to bury your mother. Not at such a young age. I never should have left and for that, I'm truly sorry. I fucked up. Not any of you. I don't ever want ANY of you three to think I left because of something you did wrong, or that I didn't want you. Because that is farthest from the truth. I'd do anything to be with all of you right now. I love you three more than I can put into words and I miss you terribly..... Mommy
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