It's almost 1am and I can't think of anything else but writing. Even though my body is screaming for sleep. They say that GOD works in mysterious ways and I assure you, folks, I've seen it and felt it myself. Since it's after midnight it's officially my baby boys birthday. My angel Luca will be 8 at 6:30 this morning. I've been so depressed tonight knowing that I'm gonna miss another one of the boys special days. As much as I've found happiness in myself these things just chew me up, spit me out and step on me over and over. It's just so not fair. This whole situation...just not fair. I keep my faith that when a certain person meets his judgment day that he will feel the pain that I've felt the last three years. Like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body....and total loss. I can honestly say that GOD is the only way I've been able to cope with that situation.