Thank you, everyone, for the birthday wishes yesterday. I can't say that I enjoyed it, but then again I don't enjoy my birthdays anymore. They just depress me making me realize how old I'm getting. Thirty-seven...I can't even believe it. So yesterday....what did I do you ask? Well for starters I spent the majority of it alone...until about six pm. Which believe me was just fine and dandy in my book because I slept up until ten as well. Yep, I sure did. I slept almost the whole day away. The faster it was over the better. 364 days out of the year I stay strong,(aside from holidays) so I think that this one day I should get a free pass and be able to wallow in my self-pity. You see most people don't feel this way on their birthdays....it's party till we drop time. I'm sure they think to themselves especially on this day and think, "Wow, Happy Birthday to me. I've done so well so far and I've accomplished so much." As for me? I think "Fuck, my birthday again already? Another year has passed without my boys. Hopefully, they haven't totally written me off yet. I've gone backward instead of forward and even though I'm better than I was a year ago it's taking what seems like forever to get anywhere." It really is sad when you think about it. The thing about it is that I'm too hard on myself. I know where I once was and it sickens me that I let my mental illness get the best of me. As a result of that, I let the world and everyone in it get the best of me as well. It sucks...but it is what it is. I'm determined to make next year better. Determined to make sure I'm better. It's been such a long time since I smiled on my birthday...I'm excited and hopeful that I'll do it again soon. 🍰🎉🎈