I hate days like today. The days that you try to avoid and put a bandaid on. I'm talking about the days when my eyes open for a second and realize just how bad it is. How broken and damaged our relationship really is. I don't really pay attention to the distance that has taken place because I've taught myself that way. I 've learned to turn a blind eye every-day to avoid my own mental demise. And I know this to be so true because it seems like lately, I've dove headfirst into trying to help others. Because I've been trying at all costs to avoid my own. It's not healthy I know but compared to how the reality feels I'd choose this any day. And the realization is this...the damage is already done. And the damage is more than I can explain. At this point, there's no way of repairing it. Before all this I never really trusted a man and now I know I never will. And the thought of ever being with someone else honestly makes me wanna vomit. The walls that nobody has been able to get through but him are now taller and stronger than ever before. And as I write this I'm sitting here shaking my head. How did it take me so long to find out what was really going on?