Throughout life, I've had many bumps in the road, all of which were lessons. Some were positive lessons and some not so much. But they all were lessons nonetheless. And I have to say the last thirteen months have been the worst I've experienced in a while. I honestly don't know how I survived it. And the people around me don't know either. I have to admit that even though I've learned so much and know how to spot ugliness a mile away, the past thirteen months have broken me, making me a shell of myself. And I don't know where I go from here. I've been trying to move on for the last couple months but the band aid masking my pain keeps getting ripped off. It never has time to heal because the wound keeps reopening. It just keeps happening. I keep saying that its literally killing me but nobody listens. I mean, how much can a person take before it totally does them in? I have never been on heart meds before and now I'm on a strong medication to bring down my pulse rate because I can't get it below one thirty. But with all the stress I'm still doing what I need to do. Tomorrow I have a modeling gig in St. Pete, and I'm waiting to hear back from an agent about getting my book published. So all in all things are good for me, but I still have that emptiness that I can't ever cure. It continues to get worse as the days pass and eats away at me more and more every day. All I want is a faithful man and my three boys with me. Is that too much to ask?