I wrote this last night, didnt get a chance to post it.
Tonight I did something that I haven't done in a long time, I prayed. I prayed for God to give me direction and to help me to see it.
I have been so lost lately and I feel like that hole I dug for myself just keeps getting deeper and deeper. I have allowed myself to fall so far down it's hard for me to see the light. I wish I could rewind time and make choices differently.
I can remember long ago feeling this emptiness inside that I couldn't explain and wanting something different. That horrible life that I thought I had I really didn't, I was just too blind and immature to see how wonderful it really was. I took everything I loved for granted thinking that the grass was greener on the older side. But you know what? It wasn't. Because now five years later I am face down in the biggest pile of shit anybody has ever seen. And I hate it. But I have no one to blame but myself.